Body Image

Book Review: Beautiful You — and a Giveaway!

Have you ever started reading a book, only to find you can’t put it down?  Before you know it, you’ve read a ton of pages.  It’s late at night, so you tell yourself, “just 5 more minutes…” as you’ve got to get up early the next day.  Yet 30 minutes go by and you’re still reading?

That was me when I picked up a copy of “Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance” by Rosie Molinary.  Beautiful you is just like it’s title, beautifully written.  It’s like sitting down with a best friend who only has the best advice, says the most insightful things, and gives you a whole new outlook and perspective of you, your life, and your body.

Unlike most body image type books I’ve read before, Beautiful You is unique.  Unique in the way it’s presented, written, outlined, and organized.  The voice of the book is tender, gentle, yet gives you that oomph! you need after a long day.  Or  when maybe your day didn’t go so great.  Or a day when you just didn’t like your body too much.  Or a day when you just need the right words to make it all right. And alright it is.

And even those days when you feel beautiful, on top of the world, and ready to embrace life by its reins — this book is just the ticket!  It’s uplifting, yet in an non- “go get ‘em” way…..it’s full of words of wisdom that I haven’t seen anywhere else.

The words, advice and insight is down-to-earth and practical.  Not some typical, “just look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re great.”  It’s much more than that.

It’s like the diary you wish you had written for yourself.

As someone who is a proponent of positive body image, self-esteem, and getting all women (no matter what their size or shape) to feel and be beautiful — this book taught me a lot.  And I’ve got to say, I thought I knew it all (okay, not it all, but quite a lot).

Yet reading this book I kept saying to myself, “YES, that’s it!” or “oh my goodness, did she read my mind?” and even “Fabulous! I am so going to do that tomorrow and I know my day/week/life will be different.”  It just left me with such a good outlook on myself, my body, and my wellbeing.

The book is organized with each page having a different message.  A beautiful message.  And at the same time it’s a 365-day action plan.  You’ll see the author, Rosie, asks you to start your own Beautiful You journal.  And Rosie guides you along the way with action steps (realistic action steps) that will get you to ponder, think, and see yourself differently.

So you can read it front to back, cover to cover, or just jump to the page you need to read (or hear) on that day.  Or you can pick a few that fulfill your craving.  It’s up to you.  And it will all make sense.

Reading Rosie’s words you’ll feel as if she’s right there with you, right there whispering in your ear, giving you that “ok” to do, be, and live the way you want.  And she shows you that Beautiful has so many meanings.

It’s NOT about wearing the fancy clothes, having the right makeup, the perfectly styled hair, or the svelte and slim body.  It’s about being — and embracing — you.  Beautiful You.

And about looking at your LIFE in a whole new way.  You’ll start to follow your dreams, walk with a bit more confidence, and be shining brilliantly that people will think you’re in love.  And you will be.  With yourself.

“Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance” has been on my nightstand since the evening I first picked it up.  And it will stay there, alongside my most valued and treasured books.  And I will read it over and over again.  Definitely a keeper.

I urge you to read it and buy a copy for each of your girlfriends.  And to share the wisdom and insight with your daughter.

So get it, read it, and tell me what insights and “ah ha moments” you had.  Because I know I had a lot.

** GIVEAWAY !!  **

I’m giving away a copy of “Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance” for TWO readers. So that’s two winners!

To enter, simply leave a comment below answering this question:

“I feel beautiful when_____________”

OR

tell me  – What does “self-acceptance” mean to you?

Winners will be chosen next week.  Good luck!!

** Update:  Winners have been chosen (they were chosen randomly.  Very high-tech…names put in a hat and 2 names pulled out :) .

So congratulations to Jennifer and Rachel, the 2 winners!  .

But everyone is invited to continue to leave their comments — let’s all help each other feel Beautiful !

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Written October 20th, 2010 by
Categories: Blog, Body Image, Book Reviews
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Ending Fat Talk in a Weight Obsessed World

In case you haven’t heard, this week is Fat Talk Free Week, a national campaign to help raise awareness of the dangers of ‘fat talk’ so many girls and women participate in.  You know, all those things we say to ourselves, like, “do I look fat in this” or “gee, you look wonderful — did you lose some weight?” to the talk in our own mirror “argh, I just hate my thighs!  I’ve got to go on a diet.”

The motto of the campaign is “friends don’t let friends talk fat.”  And I’m on board.

I’ve got to admit, it does feel good to tell someone they’ve lost weight.  Or that they look good in their ‘skinny jeans.’  And let’s face it — I used to like hearing people tell me those things.  But here’s the deal:

By doing so, we are putting our bodies above our brains.  Above our personality.  Women and girls today are so obsesessed with their bodies, and with their weight.  And it only causes harm.

Don’t believe me?  According to statistics:

  • 80% of women are dissatisfied with their appearance
  • 50% of 9 and 10 year old feel better about themselves if they are on a diet (nine and ten year olds!)
  • 45% of women are on a diet on any given day
  • 80% of children who are ten years old are afraid to be fat (unbelievable..)
  • 42% of elementary students between the 1st and 3rd grade want to be thinner (is this for real? Sadly, yes)
  • 35% of “normal dieters” progress to pathological dieting

Okay, that’s a lot of statistics (and I’m not a numbers or math kinda girl…), but I can tell you this:  we are a nation where we are afraid of being F-A-T.  The big bad three letter word.

And it’s kind of ironic where in the United States approximatly 66% of adults are obese or overweight.  And whether you agree with that particular statistic is not the point.

But here is the point:  We are not only afraid of being FAT, we are often afraid of FOOD.  We look at food as something that either makes us thin or makes us fat.  Or helps us lose weight or gain weight.

We have created a nation where both girls AND women are so confused, so messed up, that you put a plateful of cookies on a platter at a party and guess what the majority of women are talking about?  The calories. The fat grams. How “oh they look so good, but I just can’t.”  Or how they ate so “good” earlier in the day, that “okay, I’ll  have just one” (though they secretly want two).

Think I’m being extreme?  Try it.  Next time you’re at a party bring a big, chocolate, gooey, “guilty” cake.  And just watch the women.  They’ll be talking among themselves about it.  And if they’re not talking to each other, they’ll be talking to themselves…you know, that little voice we all have.

And let’s face it.  We’ve all done it.  I’ve done it — WAY too long, I’ll tell ya.

So what makes us all so crazy and obsessed over a plate of cookies or a big chocolate cake — or afraid of being fat?

Personally, I don’t think it’s one thing.  I think it’s a combination of things.  And we are all different. But here are some of the things that can help push us there:

The media, the super-skinny actresses, the ultra-thin models, all the talk on tv about heart disease, diabetes, the obesity epidemic (though I agree we need to be healthy, I feel as a nation we’re obsessed), and of course, the words we use when we talk to others or ourselves.  The Fat Talk.

Turn on the tv, flip through a magazine, or walk through a mall and all you’ll see is:  Drop pounds faster!  Banish belly fat!  Is it still safe to eat seafood?  Flat abs fast! The 15 best power foods!  8 Ways to lose weight faster!  Beat belly flab for good!  Get thinner thighs in just minutes a day!  (Note:  These are REAL headlines taken off magazines sitting around my house).

Go food shopping and all you see is low-fat, light, 100-calorie packs, low-calorie, low-carb, zero trans fats, healthy choice — you get my drift.

Now I just noted that I do HAVE (and yes I read) some magazines (hey, I like a little guilty pleasure and as I’m in the business of helping women stop dieting, I like to see what’s out there).  As far as the low fat stuff — personally I stay away.  But that’s just me.

“So what’s all this got to do with End Fat Talk Week?” you’re asking.  Lots. But I could write a whole book on it, and just maybe I will.

In my work with clients MANY of them have some type of body image issue.  Sure, we don’t like to THINK that we do, but lots of us do.  I’ve been there.  I know what it’s like.  And it sucks.  Literally.  It sucks the life out of….well…your life.  It consumes your day.  Takes up wasted time & energy.  And just makes you feel like crap.  And so then you eat crappy food.  And then you feel like crap again.  And you tell yourself you are bad, that you’re fat.  It’s a viscious circle.

But I want to way this: We are constantly bombarded with messages, and mixed-messages at that.  We have so much pressure on us to be thin, pretty, fit into our skinny jeans, cook wonderful meals, eat organic, go to the gym, do pilates, hold down a good job, make decent money and be nice to people all the time.  Which are all great to strive for.  But let’s face it — we’re not perfect.  We’re not supposed to be perfect (though I know if often doesn’t feel that way).

No wonder our girls are dieting as young as 4 years old.  No wonder we look in the mirror and often don’t like what we see.  No wonder when we go out to a restaurant where one portion could easily feed a family of four, yet we finish the whole thing.  No wonder we never feel “enough.”  Not pretty enough. Not thin enough.  Not rich enough.  Not young enough.  Not sexy enough.

I’m getting off track here  (can you tell I’m passionate about this?)

So listen, bottom line: Try to be nice to yourself this week.  Don’t get on the scale.  Don’t tell yourself you hate your stomach.  And don’t tell your friend she looks thin.  Stay away from the magazines for a week.  Eat a piece of chocolate cake and ENJOY it without counting how many calories are in it.

In other words — Don’t Talk FAT.

And if you want more helpful hints and tips on body image — check out the Reflections Body Image Program, who are the same people and organizations that started & promote the End Fat Talk Week.

But remember — it all stars with YOU.

Even if you start with just one day — just one day where you don’t talk “fat talk” to yourself.  And start doing it more.  Because if we want things to change, we need to start with ourselves.

And you deserve it!

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Written October 20th, 2010 by
Categories: Blog, Body Image
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Stop ‘Weighting’ and Start Living

(I originally wrote this article for The Beauty Message Challenge website, but wanted to share it all with you too.  I hope you find some insights & inspiration from it.  Enjoy!)

For the past couple of years I have had the chance to help women around the world with find peace with food and their body. They come to me out of frustration, stuck, and wanting to have a better relationship with food…and with themselves.

Many of the women I work with email me or tell me their stories and asking for help and guidance in trying to be and feel better around food and with their weight.

All of them at some point have dieted – most of them dieting for years.  Going on and off diets so many times they’ve lost track.  Or maybe they’ve tried every diet and self-help book out there, yet can’t lose those last 20 pounds.  Or sometimes they’ve lost weight and fearful of gaining it all back.

They are trying to live a life with purpose, a life that goes beyond thinking about food all-day and worrying about their weight and body size.

During this process I’m constantly amazed by just how many women suffer from this.  The food compulsions, self-hatred and body obsessions that keep many women trapped in a prison that for them has become intolerable.

And I know as I’ve done my time….I’ve served my sentence.  I’ve lived through the destructive and damaging impact of being in this prison, so I am well aware of how easy it is to believe that your worth is tied to your weight or body size.  And that your beauty is defined by the number on the bathroom scale, or the size of your jeans, or the number of calories consumed (or not consumed) in a day.

We keep waiting to get to some destination (a pants size, or weight), wondering when the heck we will ever arrive – and how many calories or pounds lost it will take to get there.

But I’m here to tell you to stop waiting until you reach some destination before you start living. Before you start looking at yourself as someone beautiful, no matter what your size or weight.

Because beauty doesn’t come once you arrive at some number.

Beauty is already there.

If you’re waiting until you reach that ‘perfect’ weight before you see that, you are really missing out on life.  Don’t wait.  Live now.  See your beauty now.  Because once you see your own beauty, it’s like wiping off glasses that were full of mud and dirt.  You can start to see clearly.

Everything becomes more beautiful around you, including yourself.

Don’t wait until to reach some number to feel beautiful.  Don’t let your weight hold you back from pursuing some dream.  From living a life of passion, love and full of excitement.

If there’s one thing I know for sure it is this:  No weight is perfect enough to do the unique job of creating happiness.

Because no matter what your pants size, or what the scale says, or the number of calories you consume in a day – none of it will ever make you happy.  Or beautiful.

In my own journey I’ve learned that hating myself, my weight, and my body hindered me instead of helping me.  For years I thought if I could get to that “perfect” weight, I would like myself and be happy.   I’d finally be and feel beautiful.

Yet that perfect weight doesn’t exist.  And when I look back at photos when I thought I was ‘fat’, I only to see pretty girl with a beautiful smile.

Luckily I got to a place inside myself where I stopped “weighting” – I stopped waiting to be at that perfect weight before I started living and feeling beautiful.

Because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have traveled to far-off places like Italy, Portugal, Greece and India.  I wouldn’t have lived and worked on the beach in the Caribbean, or on the ski slopes of Colorado.  I wouldn’t have lived in France where I ate amazing foods, met wonderful people, had awesome experiences, and met and married my husband.

And if I waited to reach that magic number — I wouldn’t be living the amazing life I’m living now helping hundreds, if not thousands, of women who want and need to have a better relationship with food and with their body.  That makes me feel more beautiful than any dress size.

So go out and live, and be the beautiful woman you already are.  Because your life, and your beauty, is happening now, not 10, 20, or 150 pounds from now.

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Written September 30th, 2010 by
Categories: Blog, Body Image
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Why Waiting to be Skinny Could be Hazardous to Your Health


Over the past couple of years I’ve had the opportunity to talk to women around the country, and around the world.  I’ve spoken to women in living rooms, at conferences, at talks I give and workshops I hold.  I’ll even add that I’ve “spoken” to women on social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook.  and of course, working with my clients — both in person and over the phone — I’ve spoken to hundreds, if not thousands, of women.

And one thing I see over and over again are women putting their life on hold – waiting until they hit some magic number (whether it be a pants size or the bathroom scale) to find happiness.

Whether a woman is from the Birmingham Alabama or Birmingham in the U.K., San Jose California or San Jose in Costa Rica….there is a mindset that is holding many of us back from living a more meaningful life.  Too many women are putting their life on hold until they hit that magic number to start living, and unfortunately they miss out on a lot of while waiting for their lives to begin.  We use the “if only” scenario:

“If only I could lose 20 pounds…”

“If only I could fit into my skinny jeans…”

“If only I were thinner, taller, better looking…”

“If only I could resist that fattening dessert….”

If only….

The issue is not on your plate.  And the solution is not in some diet.  It’s about looking at and and re-evaluating your entire life, not just your weight.

Do We Really Have it All?

All too often I meet women who have it all:  a great career, a loving husband, wonderful children, a house, and a great personality.  Yet they tell me they DON’T remember many times in their life because they were too busy dieting, hating their body, and waiting for that magic number to appear on the scale.

Are you waiting to be skinnier to really begin living YOUR life? A lot of us are.  And I used to be there. And I can tell you this obsession with our pants size and the scale is a waste of time.

When you find peace with food, your body, and stop the obsession – THAT’S when the weight starts to come off, and for good.  That’s when the yo-yo dieting finally ends and we get to the weight we’d like to be.

We all know how to lose weight, and serial dieters are often good at that.  But they have a difficult time keeping it off.  Those 5, 10, then 50 pounds creep back on. But to truly taste and enjoy food, eat from a place of pleasure (and not gluttony or even denial); to come from a place of trusting yourself and your body – that is a LIFE.  And that is when you lose the weight.

But to get there – to a place where you realize you are not flawed, you are not broken, and you are not a bad person – you need to look deeper into why food and/or hating your body takes the place of fulfillment in your life.

Your purpose in life has never been to lose the same 10, 20 or 50 pounds over and over again.  With the right tools you can stop your struggle with food, end the war with your body, and find out what you’re really hungry for (hint:  it’s probably not food) and you’ll be on a path to joy, peace, and a sense of self that no diet plan or low-fat food can give you.

So find your way back to your whole self, not just the one who steps on a scale.

But do get healthy, do get back to a weight where you can feel sexy, confident, and full of energy.   But do it in a way that supports you, not denies you the way constant dieting does.

And getting to this place of peace cannot always be done alone.  Whether it’s from a support group, friends, a therapist, or a weight-loss and body image coach, it’s empowering to know you’re not in this alone.  Getting support to help you understand your habits, your way of looking at food, your body, and your life are important.

Remember, your life is worth more than the number of calories you consume during the day, or the number of reps you do at the gym.  You should design the life you desire.  And before doing that, you have to look at what’s been holding you back.

And then you will taste something amazing, bursting with flavor and aroma.  Something that food or a diet could never replace – the taste of life.

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Written August 5th, 2010 by
Categories: Blog, Body Image, Personal Growth, Weight Loss
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When Food Becomes the Enemy

Note:  This article I originally wrote  for the blog of Miz Fit Online as a guest post last year (you can read the original post here).  But it’s message and usefulness has not changed, so I wanted to share it with you this week.  -Dinneen

As a weight loss coach and mentor, I help many women lose weight, look better AND feel better, and I’m constantly meeting women who struggle with food and their weight.  And I get it, as I’ve been there myself.

For years I struggled to lose weight, and even when I was finally  “thin,” I spent many more years eating low-fat, low-calorie, and low-tasting foods.  Food and eating was not an enjoyment for me.  Any food I ate that was remotely decadent or a “bad” food, left me feeling guilty and eventually lead me to overeat.  And so started a vicious cycle of dieting, losing weight, putting it back on, dieting again, and on and on.

What I ate either helped me lose weight, or gain weight, or so I thought.  It wasn’t until a trip to Italy, and then a few years later living & working in France, did I learn that I could enjoy foods without guilt, lose weight and stay slim.

My world was literally turned upside down.   And so was my life.

And so began a journey of education, self-awareness, and self-growth that led me to the extraordinary life I live today.  I can eat the foods I love, and still stay healthy, and yes, slim.

As a weight-loss coach and mentor I help women and men lose weight, get healthy, and feel good about themselves.  And part of that is helping them with their relationship with food.

You see, it wasn’t’ until I changed my relationship with food was I able to lose weight and keep if off, and without deprivation.  Even Oprah Winfrey has had ups & downs with her weight and, in my opinion, she will not keep it off until she has a healthy relationship with food. (for more about my thoughts about Oprah and her weight, visit my blog post from last year).

In my business I’ve come across women (and young girls) who suffer from an eating disorder.  Eating disorders arise from a variety of physical, emotional, and social issues, all of which need to be addressed for effective prevention and treatment.

This week is the National Eating Disorders Awareness Week.  If you suspect, or know, someone suffering from the disease please visit the website of the National Eating Disorders Association.  There you will find an abundance of information and resources to help support those affected by eating disorders.  It is there to help a friend, family member, colleague, or loved one get help.

In the United States alone, as many as 10 million females and 1 million males suffer from an eating disorder, and approximate 15 million more are suffering with a binge eating disorder.*  More people die every year from an eating disorder than any other mental illness.  Yes, it’s that bad and that prevalent.

Also, statistics say that more than one in three ‘normal’ dieters progress to pathological dieting (that is, it becomes a very unhealthy obsession with food & weight).

So help spread the word. I see too many women, of all ages, obsessed with their weight and their bodies – and they look fine!   In my mission to help women lose weight and be HEALTHY, it is also my mission help women feel good in their body, no matter what the scale says.  Now that is something to be proud of.  I sure am.

So check out the National Eating Disorders Association, and help someone who needs it.

* 2010 figures, source:  National Eating Disorders Association

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Written February 24th, 2010 by
Categories: Blog, Body Image, Emotional Eating
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What Does Valentine’s Day have to do with Weight-Loss?

This is a post I wrote last year, but it’s message still holds true .  Hoping you will find some wisdom and inspiration from it this year.

For Valentine’s Day, instead of looking for love from others, this year do something different – decide to  love yourself and give something wonderful to YOU.  Don’t wait for someone else.  Love you and all that you are, AS IS.

Don’t wait until you are 100, 50, 25 or even 5 pounds lighter.  Realize that who you are inside is what counts, not the number on the scale. That number is not a reflection of who you are, but rather of how you treat yourself.

It’s great to want to eat better, get exercise, and lose some weight to be healthier and FEEL better so you can live a full life.  But you can’t do that until you love yourself.  You see, when you love yourself you treat yourself better.  And when you treat yourself better, you’re much more inclined -and motivated - to do those things that make you happier, healthier, and yes thinner.

So take a step back and realize just how wonderful you are.  Sit, take a moment and even write down things that you love about yourself.  Glow in it, and see that you ARE a special person, a person that deserves love from you.  Don’t wait until you get to “some point” in life or on the scale.  Don’t wait to live and love yourself fully.

By loving yourself first, and then treating yourself better – only then can you start the journey to lose weight.

You see, I was in your shoes.  For years I kept waiting until the day I would be thinner, have a flatter stomach, ate more “good” foods, look thinner in my clothes, and be the right size. I kept waiting for those outside things to make me feel better.

But then one day I realized, “Hey, I AM a great person!  I have lots to give to the world, and why am I waiting to start fully living and enjoying life?”  A light-bulb literally went off in my head.

So I started to love myself more and treat myself better.  And you know what happened?  I started to eat better, get more exercise, and look at food as my friend instead of the enemy.  I realized that eating better foods and taking better care of myself was an expression of loving myself.

Then, and only then, was I on the road to a happier and more fulfilling life.  And you know what?  I started to lose weight.  And have more energy, and have more vitality for LIFE.

I was eating better and being nicer to my body.  I read information on what were really healthy foods, how to integrate them more into my life, and how to cook them to be tastier and more satisfying.

As a result, I started to enjoy food and look forward to meals instead of dreading them like before (for fear of eating the wrong foods, eating too much, or eating for the wrong reasons).   I learned that mealtimes were a chance for me to say “I love you and I want to take care of you the best that I can.”

Then I learned how to have some chocolate and not let it overtake me. I ate a little and was completely satisfied.  I didn’t need more to feel good, I actually needed – and ate – LESS!

This started my journey to a life where I can now eat what I want when I want, and know how to make the best choices in food that feed ME, and not my soul.

So this Valentine’s Day decide to love YOU for who you are right now. Don’t wait until you’re thinner, sexier, or fit better into your jeans. Love yourself now, I mean really love yourself.  Your soul, your mind, and your jeans will start to love you back!

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Written February 13th, 2010 by
Categories: Blog, Body Image
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Inner Beauty: How Do You Define It?

blondesunflowerThrough my work I help women with their outer beauty, but part of what I do is also help them with their inner beauty  ~ as I truly believe that inner beauty and outer beauty go hand in hand.

Society today is so hung up on outward appearances.  But part of my mission in life is to help you see your INNER BEAUTY.

I believe there is nothing better than seeing a woman who exudes beauty from the inside….and with that her outside beauty shines, flaws and all.

Which reminds me of a quote from Sophia Loren, a woman who truly had both inner and outer beauty:

“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical”

So tell me:  How do YOU define inner beauty and what does it mean to you?  What makes a woman beautiful on the inside?  And how does she (or you) find it?

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Written August 24th, 2009 by
Categories: Blog, Body Image, Personal Growth
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