When Food Becomes the Enemy

Note:  This article I originally wrote  for the blog of Miz Fit Online as a guest post last year (you can read the original post here).  But it’s message and usefulness has not changed, so I wanted to share it with you this week.  -Dinneen

As a weight loss coach and mentor, I help many women lose weight, look better AND feel better, and I’m constantly meeting women who struggle with food and their weight.  And I get it, as I’ve been there myself.

For years I struggled to lose weight, and even when I was finally  “thin,” I spent many more years eating low-fat, low-calorie, and low-tasting foods.  Food and eating was not an enjoyment for me.  Any food I ate that was remotely decadent or a “bad” food, left me feeling guilty and eventually lead me to overeat.  And so started a vicious cycle of dieting, losing weight, putting it back on, dieting again, and on and on.

What I ate either helped me lose weight, or gain weight, or so I thought.  It wasn’t until a trip to Italy, and then a few years later living & working in France, did I learn that I could enjoy foods without guilt, lose weight and stay slim.

My world was literally turned upside down.   And so was my life.

And so began a journey of education, self-awareness, and self-growth that led me to the extraordinary life I live today.  I can eat the foods I love, and still stay healthy, and yes, slim.

As a weight-loss coach and mentor I help women and men lose weight, get healthy, and feel good about themselves.  And part of that is helping them with their relationship with food.

You see, it wasn’t’ until I changed my relationship with food was I able to lose weight and keep if off, and without deprivation.  Even Oprah Winfrey has had ups & downs with her weight and, in my opinion, she will not keep it off until she has a healthy relationship with food. (for more about my thoughts about Oprah and her weight, visit my blog post from last year).

In my business I’ve come across women (and young girls) who suffer from an eating disorder.  Eating disorders arise from a variety of physical, emotional, and social issues, all of which need to be addressed for effective prevention and treatment.

This week is the National Eating Disorders Awareness Week.  If you suspect, or know, someone suffering from the disease please visit the website of the National Eating Disorders Association.  There you will find an abundance of information and resources to help support those affected by eating disorders.  It is there to help a friend, family member, colleague, or loved one get help.

In the United States alone, as many as 10 million females and 1 million males suffer from an eating disorder, and approximate 15 million more are suffering with a binge eating disorder.*  More people die every year from an eating disorder than any other mental illness.  Yes, it’s that bad and that prevalent.

Also, statistics say that more than one in three ‘normal’ dieters progress to pathological dieting (that is, it becomes a very unhealthy obsession with food & weight).

So help spread the word. I see too many women, of all ages, obsessed with their weight and their bodies – and they look fine!   In my mission to help women lose weight and be HEALTHY, it is also my mission help women feel good in their body, no matter what the scale says.  Now that is something to be proud of.  I sure am.

So check out the National Eating Disorders Association, and help someone who needs it.

* 2010 figures, source:  National Eating Disorders Association

What Does Valentine’s Day have to do with Weight-Loss?

This is a post I wrote last year, but it’s message still holds true .  Hoping you will find some wisdom and inspiration from it this year.

For Valentine’s Day, instead of looking for love from others, this year do something different – decide to  love yourself and give something wonderful to YOU.  Don’t wait for someone else.  Love you and all that you are, AS IS.

Don’t wait until you are 100, 50, 25 or even 5 pounds lighter.  Realize that who you are inside is what counts, not the number on the scale. That number is not a reflection of who you are, but rather of how you treat yourself.

It’s great to want to eat better, get exercise, and lose some weight to be healthier and FEEL better so you can live a full life.  But you can’t do that until you love yourself.  You see, when you love yourself you treat yourself better.  And when you treat yourself better, you’re much more inclined -and motivated - to do those things that make you happier, healthier, and yes thinner.

So take a step back and realize just how wonderful you are.  Sit, take a moment and even write down things that you love about yourself.  Glow in it, and see that you ARE a special person, a person that deserves love from you.  Don’t wait until you get to “some point” in life or on the scale.  Don’t wait to live and love yourself fully.

By loving yourself first, and then treating yourself better – only then can you start the journey to lose weight.

You see, I was in your shoes.  For years I kept waiting until the day I would be thinner, have a flatter stomach, ate more “good” foods, look thinner in my clothes, and be the right size. I kept waiting for those outside things to make me feel better.

But then one day I realized, “Hey, I AM a great person!  I have lots to give to the world, and why am I waiting to start fully living and enjoying life?”  A light-bulb literally went off in my head.

So I started to love myself more and treat myself better.  And you know what happened?  I started to eat better, get more exercise, and look at food as my friend instead of the enemy.  I realized that eating better foods and taking better care of myself was an expression of loving myself.

Then, and only then, was I on the road to a happier and more fulfilling life.  And you know what?  I started to lose weight.  And have more energy, and have more vitality for LIFE.

I was eating better and being nicer to my body.  I read information on what were really healthy foods, how to integrate them more into my life, and how to cook them to be tastier and more satisfying.

As a result, I started to enjoy food and look forward to meals instead of dreading them like before (for fear of eating the wrong foods, eating too much, or eating for the wrong reasons).   I learned that mealtimes were a chance for me to say “I love you and I want to take care of you the best that I can.”

Then I learned how to have some chocolate and not let it overtake me. I ate a little and was completely satisfied.  I didn’t need more to feel good, I actually needed – and ate – LESS!

A Powerful Tool to Keep You Motivated

When I start talking to people about what I do, or when I start working with clients, the first thing they think about is a number.  A number of pounds they want to lose,  a number they’d like to achieve on their bathroom scale, or a size jeans or dress they’d like to fit into.

That’s all and good, as hey, I’m all about helping people shed some extra weight!  But they’re often forgetting about the REAL results of weight loss.  And it has nothing to do with a number.

Talk to anyone who has lost weight and they’ll tell you so much more in their lives was affected, and not just a number they had in their head.

What do I mean?

Well, if you happen to watch the successful TV. show The Biggest Loser, you get an inside look into their lives.  Especially once they’ve left the camp and are back home continuing the journey of losing weight and applying what they learned.  Almost everyone (well, actually everyone) talks about how their family life has changed.  The relationship with their spouse has improved, the time they spend with their kids is more precious (one reason being is they now have the energy to play or run around with them).  They have much more confidence, and performing better at their jos….I could go on and on.

So if whether or not you watch the show, you get the idea…losing weight goes WAY BEYOND just a number.

So I ask you, what does losing weight really mean to you?  What is the REAL impact is has on your life…and the lives of those closest to you?

Here is a simple, yet powerful tool that I use with my private clients, but I’m going to share with you today.

FIRST — Think about ALL of the benefits of losing weight and how it impacts your life.  Some examples are: clothes fit better, have more energy throughout the day, no more mood swings, depression or irritability, you feel and look better, sleeping better, less stressed (and know HOW to deal with stress better), more self-confidence, etc.  You could go on and on.  So list 20 (yes, twenty!) benefits of losing weight.

SECOND — Now go a bit further and think about how it will affect other areas of your life.  Here a just a few areas that are affected, along with some possible examples:

1)   Family & Relationships. Your spouse and children are now eating healthier as you’re cooking healthier foods.  You can now play with your kids as you have the energy.  You’re spending more quality time with your family whether it be sitting down having meals together, going for a bike ride together, or just talking with them.

2)   Work. You’re more focused, less tired, asking for the promotion, going after the job you really want, attending networking events now (as you feel better about yourself)

3)   Finances & Money. You’re saving money because: you’re eating out a lot less, not buying the daily morning latte, you’re eating less(!), drinking a lot less alcohol, off some of your medications due to getting healthier, etc

4)   Social Life. You’re going out more with friends, being more social, or dating more.  You’re attending more social events because you can “handle” yourself around the food, you have more self-confidence, WANT to be around friends (as opposed to “hiding out” because of your weight), etc.

5) Now think about how all of this affects Your Future in all of those areas.  How your relationships, family, job, finances & money, social life, will be better (and worth more) in the future.

So remember it’s not just about losing pounds – it’s about changing your life.

And in order to do that you need to look and go way beyond the numbers.  That’s the real impact of losing weight.

Transforming your family, your relationships, your social life, your work, your money – in a nutshell, your life!  It’s about becoming the person you were meant to be.  I truly believe we all are here on this earth to lead happy, wonderful, fulfilling lives.  So take the time to look at the real benefits, and not just the number on the scale.  And see how your footprint on this planet will be lighter, but more powerful and leaving a lasting imprint on so many other lives.

Kelly Clarkson’s “Self” Magazine Cover: A Weighty Issue

It’s all the buzz today, and I just couldn’t help but discuss it.  In case you haven’t heard, there’s a new controversy over the cover photo of Kelly Clarkson in September’s issue of SELF magazine.  She’s looking slimmer than ever.  But it’s not due to a new fad diet or hectic workout schedule, but because she’s been photoshopped.  But noticeably  photoshopped — she’s been dramatically and artificially slimmed down due to all the retouching.

And it’s causing a big debate.

The big debate is because Kelly looks a lot thinner on the magazine cover than she does in recent photos.  At this point in her life she is not as thin as the cover photo portrays.  And to make it even more interesting, the theme for the September issue is all about “Total Body Confidence.”

Both the magazine and Kelly Clarkson admit the photo was retouched — and let’s be honest here, ALL magazine covers are retouched, airbrushed and photoshopped.

The magazine’s editor-in-chief, Lucy Danziger, told Entertainment Tonight: “Yes, of course we do post-production corrections on our images. Kelly Clarkson exudes confidence, and is a great role model for women of all sizes and stages of their life. She works out and is strong and healthy, and our picture shows her confidence and beauty. She literally glows from within. That is the feeling we’d all want to have. We love this cover and we love Kelly Clarkson.”

Kelly has had many ups and downs with her weight and is always very open about it.  She’s happy with her size and shape, no matter what the scale, the press, or what other people say.  She’s really comfortable in her own skin (go Kelly!!)  This is a woman who truly doesn’t care what other people think.  Even in her interview for the magazine’s cover story Kelly said:   “My happy weight changes.  Sometimes I eat more; sometimes I play more. I’ll be different sizes all the time. When people talk about my weight, I’m like, ‘You seem to have a problem with it; I don’t. I’m fine!’ I’ve never felt uncomfortable on the red carpet or anything.”

This morning I saw a segment on The Today Show where they had on the magazine’s editor-in-chief, defending the magazine’s actions.  They also had Emme, the well known plus-size model and host of the tv show “More To Love,” representing the other side of the issue .  She talked about the changes going on in society and that people want to see more realistic images (though she does agree with some basic retouching….but not going as far as changing her shape).

I‘d like to know how YOU feel about this whole issue:

Is SELF magazine (and other magazines) sending the wrong message to our girls and all us women (and men)?

Or is all of this retouching and photoshopping okay, as long as the person themselves is fine with it and comfortable in their own skin (like Kelly Clarkson)?

Is it okay to photoshop a few wrinkles and bags under the eyes, but is making someone look thinner going too far?

And where do we draw the line in all of this?

Speak up and tell us what you think!

Interview with Dara Chadwick, author of “You’d Be So Pretty If…”

I‘m so happy to share with you my interview with Dara Chadwick, author of You’d Be So Pretty If…: Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies — Even When We Don’t Love Our Own.  

In 2007 Dara was the Weight-Loss Diary columnist for Shape magazine, where more than a million readers followed her weight loss journey as she attempted to not only shed pounds, but also old attitudes.

In one column Dara reflected how her body image had been shaped in part by her mother’s feelings about her own body.  A mom herself, Dara realized the huge impact she could have on her own daughter’s body image.  This led her to write her book where through numerous interviews with women and girls, as well as her own experiences with her daughter, Dara explains the powerful effect that a mother’s body image has on her daughter and how parents can break the cycle.  

As this is a subject dear to my heart, and something I also help my clients with, I asked Dara to share some of her amazing insight!

 

Dara, in 2007 you were the Weight Loss Diary columnist for Shape in, a woman’s fitness magazine.  How has losing weight and having a better body image changed your life?

In 2007, I lost 26 pounds as Shape magazine’s Weight-Loss Diary columnist. More than anything else, the experience taught me to let go of the idealized image of perfection that I’d been holding on to and to embrace the best body I could have. I learned that by eating well and making exercise a priority, I could be the best version of myself. After years of struggling with my self-image, it was an incredibly freeing experience! 

How long did it take you to achieve your ideal weight, and how important is it to take the weight off slowly as opposed to the “quick fix” everyone’s always looking for?

It took me about 10 months to get down to my goal weight of 125 lbs., which was the weight I was on my wedding day. Taking the weight off slowly through what was essentially a lifestyle overhaul really increased my chances of keeping the pounds off for good. Sure, some weight-loss methods let you see very fast results, but they’re not usually easy or healthy to maintain over time.  

How did having a team of professionals (a personal trainer, a dietician and a life coach) help you in your weight loss journey?  What challenges did they help you face and do you think you could have lost the weight on your own?

 My team of professionals was vital in helping me take off the weight and I learned something different from each of them. My trainer taught me the value of weight workouts in building lean muscle and boosting metabolism – something I still do to this day, even though I now work out at home. My dietitian taught me that while weight loss is ultimately about calories in versus calories out, eating better quality foods like lean proteins, plenty of vegetables and complex carbohydrates gives me way more bang for my nutritional (and calorie) buck. I FEEL so much better when I pay attention to the nutritional value of the foods I’m eating! My life coach really provided the missing element in changing my lifestyle. Through our work together, I learned to face the issues (guilt and fear of judgment were big for me) that led to not only weight gain, but to other ways I was holding myself back in my life.

Looking back, what was the most important element to losing weight successfully — and keeping it off?

The most important element to losing weight successfully was giving myself permission to make my health a priority. I think this is a huge issue for many women, especially mothers. We often get so caught up in looking after everyone and everything that we let ourselves slip to the bottom of the priority list. I’ve learned that when I take the time to prepare a healthy meal – even if I’m the only one eating – or make time for my workout even though I’m super busy, I’m teaching my kids that taking care of their health is important. It’s one thing to talk to kids about good health, but it’s entirely different to be a healthy example.

Now to your book, “You’d Be So Pretty If….Teaching Our Daughters To Love Their Bodies–Even If We Don’t Love Our Own.”    How much of our body image is learned from our Mothers?

I think we learn a lot about body image from our mothers. As girls, we watch her to see what it means to be a grown-up woman. If we see her constantly worry about weight and appearance, we learn that that’s what grown women should worry about – and maybe we should, too.

As women, we have a lot of guilt issues around food, our weight and our body.  We’ll say things like “I really shouldn’t have this piece of cake” or “I’m going on a diet on Monday” — what effect does this have on our daughters? 

I think it’s so important for our daughters to see us take a balanced approach to our health and our bodies. Yes, we should try to take care of our health by eating well most of the time and exercising in a way that makes sense for our lives. But they also need to see us enjoying ourselves, too. If you’ve decided to have a piece of cake, then have it without a single comment about how you shouldn’t be eating it or will somehow need to make up for eating it later. In other words, make the conscious decision to have the cake and then simply enjoy it – and let her see you enjoy it.

In my work, I help women not only lose weight, but have a better relationship with food AND with their bodies.  What is the effect of body image in losing weight successfully — and keeping it off?

During my year with Shape, one of the most important things I learned is to accept the limits of my own genetics. I’m not talking about a “giving up” attitude; rather, I’m talking about a realistic picture of what health and fitness looks like in the body that I’ve been blessed with. Reaching that point really made a difference in how I’ve come to see my body. I’m five feet tall with a curvy frame – no amount of exercise will ever make me grow taller or make those curves disappear, even if I wanted them to. But by taking care of my health, I can have the best five-foot-tall curvy frame that I can. Embracing that notion – of making the most of who I am, instead of trying to change myself into something I’m not – takes the pressure off weight loss. Now, it’s just about being healthy and being myself. 

When mothers are trying to lose weight, should they not talk with their daughter about it?  Should they just avoid discussing the subject of weight in general with her?  What’s the best approach?

My daughter was 11 when I wrote the Shape column, so we had lots of talks about “weight.” But I also tried to put weight into the context of good health. She’s a really smart kid, so she was able to grasp the pressure of the monthly weigh-ins for the magazine but when that column ended, we ditched the scale. I think it’s best to substitute the term “getting healthier” for “losing weight.” If you’re making the effort to exercise and eat healthy foods, then you’re already well on your way to “getting healthier.” Don’t make it only about a number on a scale or dropping a size (sure those are ways to measure progress, but there are other ways, too). Make it about benchmarks like, “Look how much farther I was able to walk today” or “Look how toned my calf muscles are from our running sessions.” Above all, speak kindly about your body, even if you think you’re a long way from what you’d consider “perfect.” It will make a difference to her – and to you.

Writing the book — how did it transform you personally?

I loved every moment of writing this book! I especially loved talking to the women and girls that I interviewed – they were all so smart and funny and engaging. 

What would be the one thing my readers can do to start to break the cycle of negative body image?

Breaking the cycle of negative body image starts with an awareness, first and foremost, that what you say about and do to your own body affects how your daughter will feel about her body. When you’re tempted to say something critical or nasty about yourself, don’t. Sometimes, it can be that simple and it’s a great way to start. 

 

Thanks Dara!  Her book You’d Be So Pretty If…: Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies — Even When We Don’t Love Our Own is published by Da Capo Lifelong Books and can be purchased at Amazon.com or at bookstores nationwide.

 

Should You Hold on to Your Skinny Jeans?

 

This past weekend I did some Spring cleaning, and part of that was going through my closet and getting rid of clothes that didn’t fit.  This is something I do every year, getting rid of clothes I no longer wear or don’t fit me very well anymore.   (I give my clothes to charity, in case you were wondering)

 But it can be hard, tough to let go of the clothes I once fit into.

Sometimes the clothes no longer fit due to age, as my body has changed.  Or it could be due to the exercise (or lack of) I’ve done over the year, again changing my shape.  

Years ago, it was due to the constant dieting, re-gaining, dieting again syndrome.

And I used to hold on to my skinny clothes for YEARS.  Like 10 years.

But as I’ve healed my relationship with food and my body, I no longer hang on to clothes that old (or maybe I should check the BACK of my closet to double check!)

Ever notice how sometimes when we wore those “skinny clothes” we thought we were FAT?  And now we’d give anything to fit back into them! 

So it got me thinking: 

Do we really need to hold on to our skinny jeans? 

Does holding on to clothes that no longer fit really motivate people to lose weight OR could it be holding them back?  

I find there are generally Two Schools of Thought:

Part With Skinny Jeans

Some people say that keeping clothes that no longer fit may actually hurt your self-esteem and hinder your weight loss efforts. Why?   Because they become a constant reminder that you’re not at your “ideal” size.  

And there are those who keep their skinny clothes for years and years (like I used to do).  Some say if you hold on to clothes for too long, it can make you depressed and feel sadness for memories of what could never be again.  Once the clothes are gone, they feel they can go forward instead of living in the past.

Retain Possession of Skinny Jeans

Others say keeping some old clothes, like their skinny jeans, actually does motivate them.  Gives them something to work towards and is a reminder of what they’re aiming for.  And then once they DO fit back into them, they feel a sense of pride and accomplishment.

So I’d like to hear from you.  What are your thoughts?

Does holding on to those “skinny jeans” help or hinder your weight-loss efforts?

Stop Worrying About Food…and Lose Weight

 

 
Can you imagine a life without the chains of dieting and constantly trying to control your weight? A life without rules, restrictions, and being told to eat the right foods?

Image just how wonderful it would feel to wake up every morning without having to face the scale, without having to count calories, without having to eat foods you don’t like that leave you unsatisfied.

Imagine….

• being able to wear clothes you love and feel good in
• thinking of food only when you’re hungry
• finding real pleasure in eating 
• eating your favorite foods without constantly counting calories or fat grams… and 
• not feeling guilty – ever again!

Think of how liberating it would be to feel truly nourished.  Of being able to eat and stop when you’re full — and KNOWING when you’re full.

You CAN eat and not have to settle for the “healthy option” all of the time.  It is possible.

NO gimmicks, fancy foods or expensive items to buy.  NO chanting or repeating mantra’s all day.  NO need to completely turn your lifestyle upside down.

Just simple, easy advice that FITS fits into your lifestyle and leaves you feeling alive and full of energy — and being in control.  

I can show you how.

Discover a whole new way of eating, looking at food, and loving your body.  Learn how to create a healthy relationship with food…and the unwanted pounds will come off — without ever having to worry about putting them on again.  Ever!

Let the Eat Without Guilt principles be your passport to freedom from dieting.

Contact me and I’ll help you taste the freedom — it’s divine!

Are You Ready for Your Weight-Loss?

 

The past few weeks have been all about change.  Whether you live in America or not, and regardless of your political views, one word has been talked about a lot:  change.  

Now I’d like to ask this question:   Are YOU ready for change?  Are you ready to move towards a life of more energy, happiness, success and better health?

Look at where YOU stand.  Do you want stay with the status quo in your life, and keep making excuses why you can’t change and lose weight?  

But it’s not just about unwanted pounds. 

It’s about having a strong body, mind, and attitude towards life.

In order to lose weight successfully, and keep it off long-term, you need to adjust the way you look at food.  New behaviors must come into play.  It’s only through a systematic shaping of everyday common behaviors and attitudes that you will be able to “crack the code” and break old habits and learn new ones.  That is what change is.

People want to lose weight for many reasons, but one common theme I hear over and over is:  “because I want my life back.”

And I bet it’s the same for you. 

Maybe you don’t always eat right, or maybe you eat a lot of fast food and “quick” food (like microwaveable meals, stuff out of boxes, etc). 

You know you need to eat right and exercise more, blah, blah, blah.  You’ve heard it all a hundred (no, thousands!) of times but you just can’t do it.  You can’t make the change.  You WANT to, but can’t. 

In order to make change, you need to be READY for it. 

So the question is, are YOU ready?